I guess I have come to a point in my life when I write to give myself therapy. As I am doing right now.
Tonight, I feel like a failure. Or am I just getting another bout of PMS??
I remembered that look of my roommate when she came back after a bad presentation. "Seni, I feel like dropping out of MPhil. My presentation went so bad today, I couldn't even answer one single question! Gawd! I don't even know what I am doing here!". I, on my part, comforted her about the hundred more bad and good presentations and papers which we will have to go through because we choose this path. And how every one will take its part in shaping our minds.
Tonight I am far from the comforting roommate that I was that day. Tonight I need someone or something to comfort me. And I just don't know why?? And that is where the writing therapy comes in. I write in my journal, I blog and I write my letters to God. I know it's weird but I've been doing it for a couple of years now. It's just one of my many ways of connecting with Him.
Coming back to my work, my MPhil viva just got over. It wasn't very good, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. My external examiner and my supervisor gave me very good inputs as well as what to do, how to go ahead and what to avoid in the future. My viva just gave me another wake up jolt on how keen and alert I should be as a researcher, especially with a lesser known language.
I am meeting my supervisor this coming week and then we'll discuss on how to go on with PhD and everything else. I am really keen to continue working with my present supervisor. I couldn't ask for better. Let's face it, the very fact that she prefers to be called by her first name says a lot about her. Especially, in a place and society, where people would kill for respect even in the form of an address term.
If everything went well, then I also hope to spend my summer collecting data. Well, this means I will have to do some travelling bit. I will finally see my family after two years. Yes. Two whole years. My nieces have grown so big now and I haven't met the latest addition to the family. I'm sure we'll brew up a storm when I meet the little Hranglungs.
Though I can't really pinpoint on the reason why, I am in unrest! And my blocked sinusitis won't let me escape to Slumberland. Ahhh!! How I detest sandstorm season in Delhi!!
And then I write. A blog entry, a letter or a prayer.
What's your therapy?
writin is also my therapy..or even a short tweet helps in a small way in my case...but the best is knowing by now that..borrowg a line from the bible:"it shall come to pass":)...dats always comforting!!!
ReplyDeleteBlogging! The closer to submissions I got, the more I blogged. So many times I wanted to throw in the towel when I was doing my MPhil, convinced that I was a hopeless dunce unworthy of higher education and then one day, my paper was complete, I mumbled my way through the Viva, and that was it. And when its all done, you'll be left with a rather empty feeling and you'll keep reading and re-reading your paper :D
ReplyDeleteAll the best