Entry 8: Gear Shift

Major Gear Shift!!

Last week, I had my MPhil viva. I expected to faint, go tongue tied or hyperventilate inside the chairperson's room where the viva was conducted. But when I 'emerged' from the room to my darling Phabo waiting in the corridor 32 minutes later (Yes! he timed me) I realized I was still kicking. My dissertation was combed with a  fine tooth comb and my external examiner also gave me suggestions on how to go about from the thesis and what all and what not to continue doing. By the way, my dissertation was on "Definite and Indefinite Descriptions in Mizo"

So considering the inputs from my Viva and many others, my supervisor and I decided to switch gears with my PhD synopsis. Initially, I was planning to work on 'the morpho-syntax of Mizo and Lai', but now, I've started drafting another one on 'the descriptive study on the nominal groups in Mizo and Lai'. I know, I know, my previous synopsis is already complete. The stress, sleepless nights and trips to North Delhi for data collection, I will not mention. Major gear shift ey? But if, in the end, the shift is helping me write a better, stronger and  more solid thesis, sacrificing 6 months is nothing at all.

So it seems I'll spend a majority of my summer on the field collecting data. I can't wait to start! I just hope I'll get to travel WITHOUT parental supervision. But from this evening's call with my dad, it seems it won't be happening! "...But I've been waiting for you to come home, so we can both travel. I have some work down south too!!"  Dad, I'm only 4 years away from 30!

So I'll have to meet my supervisor for a couple more times before I leave, clear everything with the questionnaires and identify what details I should be looking out for. Then I'm off. I'll be home after 2 years!! Untill then, with my roomie gone for vacay, I'll try to battle off prickly heat with DermiCool powder and party in the heat with Maximus and Mr. Crabbs, my two room lizards!

Entry 7: O me of little knowledge!

I know, I know! I'm still in the process of 'acquiring' knowledge. 

But today, I had my moment of self-loathing! I realized, yet again, how could such a big head hold such little knowledge!! 

It all started this morning when I woke up to a sandstorm! Panic was the first thing that hit me when I jump out of bed, closed the door and window, wore a wet mask and pop an antihistamine pill. I know, I sound like a freak but I know I just had my last laugh 'cause there's no sore throat, blocked nose and everlasting eye-goop as I write this down tonight. Anyway, as the perpetual blamer that I am, I decided that the morning episode has got to do with the fact that my mind refuses to function for the rest of the day! (As if I've never had an unproductive day before!!.) Guess how I spent my entire day.

9:30 AM - Munching breakfast while checking FB notification, mail and twitter.

10:00 AM - Opened my book "Aspects by Bernard Comrie". 

11:00 AM - Aspects by Bernard Comrie. Page 64. (Ok, how does Imperfective work in Mizo??)

11:30 AM - Hey!! dawn in Mizo = la in Lai??? 

11:45 AM - Practical Magic has finished downloading. Heigh Ho! It's movie time!

12:30 PM - Lunch time! Eeeekss... the sandstorm's still blowing! Can't go out of the room!

1:15 PM - That's it, Sandstorm or no sandstorm, I'm going out.

2:00 PM - Sweating away while sandwiched between a computer and a mini-fridge. Can aspects be diectic??? 

3:00 PM - What's the difference between chiah and tawh Mizo?? Where do you use hna in Lai??

3:30 PM - dawn, tep, ang in Mizo = Imperative Future????

5:00 PM - Ok what's the difference between tense and aspect in Mizo???

5:30 PM - I totally forgot, Phabo's (boyfriend) coming over. Drat! Running water stopped. Running from one cubicle to another, stealing water from buckets.

7:30 PM - Phabo left.

8:00 PM - Can Aspects be diectic in the first place??

10:00 PM- No evidence in other languages so far! :(

11:00 PM - This very line!

So as you can see, I literally spend the whole day on Mizo Aspect. And here I am still asking myself the same question!

O Big Head... why can't you contain a bigger brain???

O me of little knowledge! 

That's when supervisors become Northern Stars!

Entry 6: Writing Therapy

I guess I have come to a point in my life when I write to give myself therapy. As I am doing right now.

Tonight, I feel like a failure. Or am I just getting another bout of PMS?? 

I remembered that look of my roommate when she came back after a bad presentation. "Seni, I feel like dropping out of MPhil. My presentation went so bad today, I couldn't even answer one single question! Gawd! I don't even know what I am doing here!". I, on my part, comforted her about the hundred more bad and good presentations and papers which we will have to go through because we choose this path. And how every one will take its part in shaping our minds.

Tonight I am far from the comforting roommate that I was that day. Tonight I need someone or something to comfort me. And I just don't know why?? And that is where the writing therapy comes in. I write in my journal, I blog and I write my letters to God. I know it's weird but I've been doing it for a couple of years now. It's just one of my many ways of connecting with Him. 

Coming back to my work, my MPhil viva just got over. It wasn't very good, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. My external examiner and my supervisor gave me very good inputs as well as what to do, how to go ahead and what to avoid in the future. My viva just gave me another wake up jolt on how keen and alert I should be as a researcher, especially with a lesser known language.

I am meeting my supervisor this coming week and then we'll discuss on how to go on with PhD and everything else. I am really keen to continue working with my present supervisor. I couldn't ask for better. Let's face it, the very fact that she prefers to be called by her first name says a lot about her. Especially, in a place and society, where people would kill for respect even in the form of an address term. 

If everything went well, then I also hope to spend my summer collecting data. Well, this means I will have to do some travelling bit. I will finally see my family after two years. Yes. Two whole years. My nieces have grown so big now and I haven't met the latest addition to the family. I'm sure we'll brew up a storm when I meet the little Hranglungs.

Though I can't really pinpoint on the reason why, I am in unrest! And my blocked sinusitis won't let me escape to Slumberland. Ahhh!! How I detest sandstorm season in Delhi!! 

And then I write. A blog entry, a letter or a prayer.

What's your therapy?

Entry 5: Stuck in Reverse Gear.

A friend of mine once told me, "In Life, there's no such thing as being stuck in the same place. You either move ahead or fall back". I didn't pay much attention back then. But tonight as I sit here with my aching feet and my hair still drippy from my bath, I couldn't help but wonder if he is right!

How long has it been since I've finished my last topic on my synopsis. Four nights back? And I haven't written a single line after that. And I am certainly no exception to the list of everyone that time just doesn't wait for. I can't believe that its 18th April already. And I still haven't finish the work I meant to finish by the 15th.

I didn't sleep well at all last night. After the funeral that I went to, I no longer had the extra energy to prop myself up and read more. And after a fitful sleep for 5 hours (the 'fitful sleep' filled with nightmares of impending viva and synopsis submission), I had to rush down to Munirka to pick up my cousin, and hunt for a suitable school for her 11th Grade. I must admit it. I have become the much older cousin that uncles and aunts  find responsible enough to guide their 16 year old tender daughters in their first move away from the nest. And the hunt continues tomorrow, sharply at 8AM, which means I have to be up and running by 6:45 AM. Funny isn't it?? 8 AM is my midnight.

And ironically, the unwritten topic on the synopsis takes a back seat.

So here I am now, punching my tiny keyboard hoping that this vent would give me better sleep... at least for the five hours that I have left.

Talk about being stuck in the same place??? No. I'm definitely stuck in reverse gear! So Help me God!

Entry 4: Burning the Midnight Oil????

Sometimes I just don't get it that my brain (and my diligence) starts functioning when it's already past midnight. Usually at this time, I would also be online on Facebook. And friends would start the chat with 'Burning the midnight oil???" liners. Is there such a thing a late night in campus? Well, surely there is a thing as early mornings when everyone is asleep. But late nights? Midnight oil? Please!!

Anyway, here I am, trying my best to finish writing my PhD synopsis on "The Morphosyntax of Lai and Mizo: A typological perspective". I still have a topic to finish on Aspects in Mizo and Lai (my lion topic), tweak the literature review and I'll be done with it. Oh wait!! I just remembered, I still have to arrange my 10 page bibliography in numeral order! Do I still have a page to add? I should check up on it. Great!! More work. I should finish by the weekend and go meet my supervisor armed with my first draft latest by Tuesday next week. I wonder how many pages will she ask me to rewrite. I don't really mind because it's just my first draft anyway. I still have six months after my viva to submit the final draft. Oh wait! I haven't even have my MPhil Viva yet! So which means, I'm six months advanced! *Grin*

My laptop clock says its 3:04 AM as I type this line. I still don't want to go to sleep and that's why I'm still up posting this. And I just had a tiff with my significant other. Another low! It's going to keep me up for a few hours again. My dad was right in a way, there would have been less emotional jargon piling up to my research work if I had stayed single, which I refused to, after meeting this mathematician. And I'm sure my tiff with him tonight had nothing to do with me being stressed because my Viva has been delayed for so long. Or does it??

So, I just got done with the topic on Agreement in Mizo and Lai and I won't write anymore for tonight. I also  learnt a new Lai word today from David Van Bik's 'Chin-English Dictionary'.

luangpi n. home, house; this is poetic and not commonly used.

I guess this must be roughly equivalent to 'run in' in Mizo which is also a noun for home or house which is used only in poetic language or in songs. The beauty of my two languages. How else would you say the word 'home' in an English song??

My roommate just stirred in her sleep. I hope it's not because of the sound of my keyboard. Maybe it's because of the mosquitoes who decided to make a comeback with Delhi's pleasant weather. I should be hitting the sheets too though I'm not yet sleepy.My back hurts already though. Yup!! She just stirred again and rolled over this time. I should really sign off...

Entry 3: Mizo names, Lai names. What? When? How?

I remembered, as a kid I use to question why my dad's name is written without an 'a'. He has a Mizo name alright. He used to tell me that Lai people don't use 'i' and 'a' to differentiate between males and females.

'But how is it that I have an 'i' with my name? I am also Lai!'

'It's because you have a Mizo name' 

'But you also have a Mizo name, yet you don't have an 'a' '

'It's because I grow up in the south'

'But Ramfangmawii has an 'i' and she grows up in the south' (Fangtei was my cousin)

'It's because I'm older'

'Then will I become 'just' Hmingthanzual when I'm older??'

'Ok, Senmam. It's enough. Eat your potatoes!!'

'But....'

'Potatoes!'

Well, Don't blame my dad. I was a really irritating, talkative, curious kid who was always full of questions and running commentaries. And I grew up at a time in our society when adults aren't always compelled to answer a kid's questions.

My curiosity with this topic reincarnated itself a few years ago when we had to submit a paper on writing grammars. We were asked to focus on the classifiers, deixis and definite/indefiniteness from any lesser known language. Our group of four was more than ready to pick Mizo as I, a native speaker, was already at hand. While writing the paper, I came across many details in the language which I usually overlook while speaking it. Naming system was one of them.

In Mizo (and by Mizo language, I mean the Lusei-Duhlian language), we have this gender classifier that is suffixed with the proper names. 'i' for females and 'a' for males. However in Lai, such classifier is absent. But how do you differentiate between a male and a female just from the names?

During a recent phone call with my dad, I asked him this same question. "There are different sets of names for males and different sets for females" he answered.  Then he proceeded to give me examples of traditional male names and females names in Lai. Saithiau, Lianhmung, Channawn, Chankam for males and Suithluai, Iangci, Nihluan, Sungpen for females. (Note: Lai orthography c = ch Mizo orthography. Channawn = Chhannawn )

What captured my attention was that these sets of names are names which will hardly be found with a younger Lai generation. In fact, these sets of names will be ridiculed and laughed at by many of  the younger generation.

Then I proceeded, what do these names mean? What words define what's a female name and a male name?  And when have the Lai people started giving their kids Mizo names? And why? It must have gone a long way back. Because both my parents have Mizo names themselves.

From a anthropological linguistic point of view, I am sure that this Give-your-kids-Mizo-names trend with Lai parents started with the convergence of the two cultures and languages in Mizoram. You never know, Lai kids In Myanmar may already have Kawl names. That's what cultural and linguistic contact does. 

My dad, also believes that the advent of Christianity may have played a role too.

So, armed with questions, I decided that this will be my summer project. I guess I will be in the company of the older generation a lot, and in spite of my dad's strict 'No travelling when you come home' rules, I might get to travel to the South as well. Hopefully! **Grin**

Maybe by the time summer break gets over, I will be back armed with an additional Lai name, adding up to my ongoing confusion with my exhaustive list of names.

Entry 2: Five Year Plan

A few days ago, my roommate asked me out of the blue "Seni, what's your five year plan?"

"Finish PhD, get a job and get married" I blurted without thinking twice. And quickly added "...not necessarily in order".

And now. on this fine cloudy morning, as I sit here increasing the volume in my headphones to Sam Cooke each time my skinned-knees from my latest bicycle accident throbbed, I recalled that answer.

I still have around 7 months before I turn 27. I know I will never even entertain the idea or the possibility of me entering into something called a midlife crisis. But it kept me thinking. My answer to such a question should not be an answer for someone my age. I blame my present thoughts to something called the PhD syndrome - the Permanent Head Damage syndrome. Weird though I showed symptoms even before I'm a confirmed PhD scholar.

Sometimes at the end of long hours of data analyzing and reading up theory books which hardly makes any sense to you. You question yourself, what you are doing, the 'irrevelent' contribution that you make towards society and humanity. The fear that you could've wasted years in the end just to earn another degree with no job experience haunts me sometimes. 

My contribution to society troubles me most of the time.

I am but a linguist, I study language and sometimes document them. The closest I will ever come to saving a life is by saving a language.

Well, I guess not everyone can be Superman.

So, I decided. My Five Year Plan would be to work. Really work. Not for the sake of a degree, not for the sake of nearing 30, not for the sake of anything else but for my own happiness and contentment. My Five Year Plan is to work in such a way that at the end of it, I'll look back and say "Yes, I've done that. And I'm proud of it".

So with that decided, I'll sit back, nurse my throbbing knee and paint my toenails.... crimson red!!

Entry 1: Under Construction!

So I decided that I would start a blog following my experiences while doing research in Mizo and Lai languages. I wanted to wait till my MPhil viva gets done. But what the heck! Here I am writing a PhD synopsis even before it's done anyway!

So I felt there won't be any harm done. If I start updating a few months early.

This blog would be dedicated to my experiences, and honest highs and lows of a language researcher. I hope to update field notes, vents and tiffs as well.

My Blog, my research, my space!